I, Mastermind, exalted God of Atheism, supreme ruler over the realm of logic am truly honored to be a part of this most illustrious blog. There is no greater pleasure on Al Gore's (intelligence be upon him) green earth than to fight on the front lines in the war against the most hated Christofascysts. Get it? ChristofasCYSTS? Ahahaha, I crack myself up. I'd like this first post of mine to be a warning to all of the anorexic Christian apologists out there. You know who you are, you with brains the size of corn flakes, who masturbate words you know nothing about in your sentences, who rummage through this box outside my door every morning placing thin explosive devices in a lame assassination attempt (I burn them all so they don't blow up) and who even went as far as to cut my house's electricity, my puerile mind will detect all such attempts and you will be instantly humiliated in front of thousands of people. Scared yet? You will be when you see my credentials:
1970-1980: Dawkins A. Futz primary school (best ten years of my life). In the later years I was even placed in a "Special" class. My deskmate had a tongue so long he could lick his own eyeballs with it.
1980-1985: "Some French Catholic School named after some undoubtedly old, bald child molester". Worst years of my life. My fundy parents insisted I go to a religious school to learn a thing or two about God, but the only thing I learned was that nuns can stomp on your face somethign awful when you're trying to take a peak in the bathroom.
1986-1990: Ran away from home to live with my friend Butch. Butch explained to me the need to have sex with everything that moves. I graduate from Carpenter School in '90.
1991: God infects Butch with aids. Butch dies in an unfortunate accident while trying to set a church on fire.
1992: It occurs to me that my PhD in cutting wood makes me an expert on ancient stone slabs as well as other ancient carpenters. Thus I am the perfect authority on Jesus and all things related. Feeling weak at the knees yet, Christidiots?
My ministry has been running for the past 18 years. I have successfully deconverted billions of Christians to the glory of Intellect and Logic.
In Reason,
Mastermind
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4 comments:
Thank God, (oops!) for people like you. I think that Christidiots is a great word but might I also suggest Chistipervs (Ted Haggard types), Christimorons (Jerry Falwell types), and Christadips (all others and kids), which actually sounds like a not bad chocolate covered peanut-based snack food, especially if you remember to buy Christonutters along with a big bottle of “It’s Wine if you Think it is” Jesusaide.
Welcome fellow Logicaire. Your services are badly needed because there are so many Christians and so few lions…
way to go, Mastermind!!
show those Christofascysts who's boss of the world...cause it ain't no God, that's for sure!!
(although Obama might get me to think God existed if he won...I DON'T WANT HIM TO!!!!)
Welcome, mastermind! Awful sad about Butch. I'm sure he could have been a useful blogger here! And maybe the only one to blog using a blowtorch!
Thank you everybody for your warm welocme. Mr. Greenses, Butch was an authentic Picasso when it came to the use of a blowtorch, and could fart the National Anthem after eating only one hot bean burrito! It's a pity the nonexistant Christian God took him away in the prime of his life (he was only 64). May Darwin have mercy on his soul.
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