Feb 12, 2010

At 97 Today I'm Wondering If I Can Book This Guy in Advance to Eulogize at My Funeral! LOL

Since I'm getting blasted in the comments below, supposedly because I may have made fun of a person with a mental disability, let me respond.

I found this video posted on TheologyWeb by a well-respected guy named Steve, so if you blast me then blast him too.

Besides, I never said exactly what it was that I found to be funny about this guy who talks like a drunken mentally retarded hobo, so let me spell it out now.

What I find hilarious is that the school allowed him to talk before the audience in the first place. That's it! They knew how he would talk on camera before he talked and they let him talk anyway! That's the hoot! So no, I would not want him to eulogize at my funeral for the same reasons the school leadership should not have let him talk before the audience. Why? Because it’s painful to hear him talk. He talks like he downed ten gallons of methilic alcohol! Do I need to be any clearer?

If an atheist wants to respond that we shouldn't care how talented someone is when it comes to speaking in a language understandable by sentient humanoids residing on planet Earth, and that knowledge in the subject is all we should ask, then let's do a review. People have gifts. Atheists say non-believers have individual gifts. This guy’s gift is NOT talking. So a responsible school leadership should not let him talk and/or debate a veteran before cameras and an audience. Any school leader who was this irresponsible should be fired. I know. I taught a school leadership class for a secular college. This is not indicative of good school leadership. Not only is it not edifying to the audience but it can also harm the guy who talked who will be ridiculed afterward.

Think of it this way. If solid knowledge is all that's important then why doesn’t the school hire this guy to be a professor and listen to him give lectures every week? Why not make him the treasurer of the LGBT club? Why not make him the debate team director? You see, knowledge is not enough when it comes to placing the right people with the right gifts in the right place. School leadership must be more responsible than this in identifying and properly placing people with the right gifts.

And that’s it. I find this incident absolutely hilarious for those reasons. It has nothing to do with whether or not this guy has a mental handicap. If he does I sympathize for him much more than that school did, for I would never have placed him in this situation in the first place. As a result, people would not be making fun of him in public like they are now.

So, let's have some more fun with this for the reasons I just stated

Apr 3, 2009

Doubting John Mental Breakdown tips

It is with great sadness that today we witness the mental breakdown of one John, son of Loftus. It is with equal sadness that I feel necessary to compose this supererogatorily loquacious prose, within which I include the best sage advice for the budding lunatic from the bottom of my bowels:

The John Loftus guide to a mental breakdown: a template:

[Start by insert a string of pejorative adjectives directed at your nemesis. Even if it's just one, make it plural. Not only will this give a Shakespearean tone to your mental breakdown, but it will also make it look as if many are against you, granting you bonus points for paranoia by making you look like the victim of some grand conspiracy]. I [always refer to yourself in the singular. Even if you have a coterie of followers just as insane as you are, referring to "us" or "we" spreads out the impact of your victimhood across different individuals and in turn decreases the strength of your breakdown. Do try to avoid any overt narcissism though, it makes you less sympathetic] have had enough[In an effort to increase sympathy for your plight, it is highly recommended that you try to rephrase "I have had enough" in as long a sentence as you can; This will give a magnified impression of your intellect and increase the tragedy of the downfall of such a brilliant mind]. The [insert a string of manners of injustice and offenses suffered; bonus points if you can compare your struggle to classical mythology like the legends of Atlas or Sisiphus; perfect score if you can make up a legend featuring yourself as the protagonist and publish it under a pseudonym]. Woe unto you [remember the list of pejoratives form the beginning? Time to expand them. You are, after all, suffering a mental breakdown and as you continue to write your final letter before the men in white lock you in your padded room, its contents should reflect that. "Woe unto you" is not only an allusion to Jesus, which gets you bonus point for a messianic/martyr complex, but is also easily enough recognized by the unwashed masses. Especially those dirty tekton orangutans]. Pity me [A sudden change of tone would help indicate an unstable mind so throw no direct attacks at your enemy. You should not, of course, actually say "pity me". Instead, lament about your unfair treatment, and how your good hearted attempts to reach out to your opposition were met with derision and scorn. Imagery of you in a fetal position with shadowy, demonic faces surrounding you and laughing at you would earn you bonus points.] Blaah baawfewiahfwfew [At this point, it would be a good idea to become completely incoherent. While you can still (and probably should) use normal words, make sure their sequence is either completely meaningless or clearly indicates an inability to make use of your intellectual functions in a manner similar to that of the average human. The effectiveness of this portion of your mental breakdown depends entirely on your ability to surprise and induce fear in the reader of your tirade.]

Sample mental breakdown provided below:

Monstrous! Despicable! Evil! A thousand curses to the name of the devil prince Holding and his fiendish entourage! No longer can the brave, intelligent and handsome yet humble soul that stands before you take this nightmarish abuse! Have these ravenous dogs no bottom to their hate of intellectualism? Has their masticating pestilence no end? I have been denigrated as fool, liar and adulterer by poisonous vipers and fundy nazis of lilliputian intellect.

Has any man ever had to suffer such burdens before I? If Christ caried a cross, do I not carry a lead filled giant darwin fish? If Heracles cleared the manure from the Aegean stables in one day, have I not filled it back up in one minute? If Atlas carried the very heavens on his shoulders, have I not carried Richard Carrier's ego on mine? Woe unto you Holding, for I shall mock people's dead pets and the handicapped. Woe unto you TBT, for you shall be used like a 2 cent whore. Woe unto you incestuous tekton troglodytes, for should you show your undoubtedly fat, pimple infested dateless faces I shall stomp on them like the winemakers stomp on the grapes that produce my booze, for oh yes, I am drinking tonight. And above all, woe unto you codewordconduit, for your treason shall not be taken lightly. Though the throne of heaven stands empty, I shall ascend and sit in it, and you shall all call me God. And for the unforgivable sin of inserting a tanto between God's ribs, so shall I insert my foot in your nose.

Oh heaven and hell WHY! What have I done to bring the unbearable hammer of despair above me? Though I reach out my hand in friendship, hounds tear at it until nothing but the bones remain. Though I raise the white flag in friendship, foul hands strangle me with it. Though I bow my head at the feet of my tormentors, cruel boots step on it and drive it into the ground. Is there any man on Earth as mistreated, hated and despised as I am?

wlcraig prayed and guess who came the tekton man in Jesus' name who left but then he came once more to find my arguments a bore i lie in fear my mouth ajar as wicked wit did raise the bar for I was watching 'neath the bed to see explode green matthews' head and when your face lie on the floor our holding hate relit once more and so I pledged to you that day the tekton cult would dearly pay and just as they put me with you I'll find and turn TBT too but there's someplace I need to start and that's with that CWC tart and when that's done I'll go off holding and then I'll watch his damn corpse moldingawfewfhwaofhwaoefwa.

Buy my book.

Mar 9, 2009

The Affectionate Motherly Love of One's Book

Many of you are probably wondering why I am so obsessed with promoting my book. Well...I'll tell you why, in my own special words: It's because I have the same affectionate love for my book as a mother does with her newborn baby. After all:

1) The book came from me.
2) I conceived it.
3) The book contains my thoughts, put into coherent sentence-structure.
4) The book has been recommended by some of the top Christian apologists out there.
5) The book has also gained affliation with Promotheus Books!
6) The book is mine.
7) Even though the book is mine, you can always go out on Amazon and get yourself a copy!

Let me ask you a question about movies: Ever seen Alien, by director Ridley Scott? If you haven't, boy is it great. Not only does it demonstrate that, in a hypothetical future on a hypothetical spacecraft, that there is no God to save poor Ripley as her fellow crew gets devoured by a giant acid-puking insect, but it's also a great film about motherly love, which I want to attribute to my book (but only because I think it serves as the perfect analogy for this case).

Speaking of which, I have a great YouTube clip of the movie for your viewing pleasures!

Okay, okay, okay. So this is a clip from Spaceballs instead. I prefer to show that clip instead of the chest-bursting scene from Alien because it might entice Christians to go into a blood-hungry phase, and, well, the sight of gore makes me want to vomit. So boo hoo if I was misleading you in your expectations of what the clip would have turned out to be, but of course many people would criticize me on the basis of my lackof honesty. I'm sorry but I can't permit that type of criticism, not on the TheologyWeb discussion boards, and certaintly not here. This site isn't about me, but my arguments and my book. And that's where the Alien analogy comes into play. You see, the alien creature lunging from the internal containment of John Hurt's body is tied with me projecting a little bit of myself onto ink and dead trees. That's why I love my book so much. And ain't no one gonna take that away from me.

Now I guess if you wanted to be a movie-Nazi about the whole ordeal, you could point out that Aliens would have been a better choice, because we do see that there is a "Queen" so to speak that is responsible for the laying of the eggnest, thus furthering the alien cause. Which of course would make sense in relation to me because of the large demand in book sales, in that I further the "atheist" cause. And it's also true that the books are taking hold of some Christians and forcing them into serious reconciliation about the tenents of their faith, much like facegrabbers finding unsuspecting victims with which to impregnate them with the alien sperm, producing more alien offspring. For some people, like that deadbeat JP Holding, that is just too technical to explain and too incomprehensible for the average person to understand. So I keep things simple by sticking with the 'chest-burster analogy', as I fancy it, and it gives something for Christians to drool about.

You can't go wrong when it comes to my book. So, if for the love of godlessness, you should decide to further explore rationalism, I invite you to come participate in the eggnest of rational discussion, and, before making the final plunge, make sure that you endulge in heavy doses of sleeping pills. Deconverting isn't a simple process, and it takes allot of pain.

Feb 19, 2009

Sister Blogs!

Our funds and blog revenue is so incredibly low that it's taken us almost an entire year to raise enough money to put up two other new sites to add to our communications network. So, it is with great honor and pride that I now formally introduce our two new sister blogs, which serve their own additional functions and will work in conjuction with our original blog as well: Debunking Cretinism and Debunking Righteousness.

These sites are now available for open public access to the top-right handed side of your computer screen. These sites will further our cause and hopefully get more people convinced in just how stupid their primitive superstitions REALLY are. You won't be seeing much on these sites at first (althought DR currently has its first post up for reading), as I am still under strict 'computer-use' probation while I'm stuck here in this crummy mental institution. Apparently they threw me in for temporary evaluation because I went off my "mental radar" and started randomly flashing my body's nudity for my entire neighborhood to see. It is also reported that I kept a band of one's neighbor's newborn pups in one of my garbage cans, in which I was reserving their plump juicy bodies for fixing homemade meals for my houseguests. Aside from the alledged "flashing" the puppy's owners seems to be extremely upset with me, and, upon my release from this institution, I have been advised by my lawyers to settle for a distancing contract, and I may also be forced into providing steel reinforcement on my household's perimeter (this, of course, is coming out of my paycheck....).

Feb 17, 2009



(The above picture is dedicated to Allah's one and only profit, Osama Bin Laden. Peace be upon him....)

As mentioned before, no need to panic. But as of now, I am officially putting the site on "Arab Alert." Never heard of it? It's basically a racist type of thing where I start going around banning any Muslim commentators from my blog, including Christians (that's because if it weren't for Christianity we wouldn't be having Islam RIGHT NOW).

Let me tell you something, you twisted sicko bastard commies: Come comment on my site, and I'll have you reported to Blogger. Simple as that. If you don't like it, TOO BAD! Personally it's of no consequence to me if you blow yourselves up for 72 virgins and start murdering abortion surgeons. It doesn't phase me at all, as long as you leave me the hell alone.

I know some of what you might have read above sounds a bit psychotic. That's because it is, and I don't give a damn what you "sane" people have to say. In fact, I am so without emotions I mine as well be a Muslim fundamentalist who blows up everything on site for the sake of Jihad. True, I don't know a whole lot about Islam, because as a philosopher and a former Christian, I don't care much for any religion besides Christianity. Christianity is the ROOT OF ALL EVIL, as we have come to discover, and we hope our readers are discovering this, too....

Lately I've accused myself of fraudulence and identity theft. Ain't that something? I think someone is literally trying to kill me. Why am I wasting my time typing everything out here? That's because I don't have anything better to do! Don't you know we are in an economic recession at the moment? ? Jeeze you people are subconcious. Sheesh.

Someone is trying to impersonate me and take away everything that I've given myself. I suspect that the person responsible for this is me. Oh, and my blow-up inflatable love-making doll, whom I've given the nickname "Mrs. Spankingworth" in honor of my favorite pancake syrup brand, Mrs. Butterworth.

Speaking of unsupported claims, let's talk about evidence, shall we? To start off, it's without a doubt that I know that I'm the perpetrator behind all of this vitrolic insanity. I've been enjoying posting pornographic images on this site (and whacking off to everything I sees), oh, and blaming other people who had absolutely nothing to do with these things on them, all because I can! It's the internet, I should be able to get away with falsely accusing others of site abuse and illegal behaviors, even though I'm the one responsible for it ALL! And I know just who to blame, too! OOOOH! Let's start with Frank Walton, because's he stupid and scientifically ignorant, and because he's a Christian. You damn religionists, you're all the same! Soon you will be exposed for the lying hypocrites that you are! DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I probably voted for him but who wants to guess why we have Barack Obama as our new president? Any takers? It couldn't be that he's a religious person and 95% of this country are made up of religious people, is it? You all voted for a terrorist. And now you're going to get it. Expect all sorts of things to blow up. And I'm going to blow up too, to show the world that I'M ANGRY AND I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!!

I know what all of you Christians will do once you see this message. You will report it to the government and then we'll have the Saudis and Bin Laden's running Blogger.com. Then you'll be happy. Oh yes...you'll all be VERY happy. Won't you?

I won't stand for it. Neither you, nor Barack Hussein "Osama" Obama, are bringing me down! Just for the sake of my own personal gratification, I'm going to report all of my blog's dissenters to Blogger (which will soon fall under ownership of Saudi Arabia thanks to the terrorist in the White House) and let you know that I stand in the right. MY PLANSARE FOOLPROOF! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

- John W. Locust (Currently under direct computer-use supervision on behalf of Pinewood Trees Mental Institution for the psychologically imbalanced, paranoid, and delusional). NOTE: Social security numbers, home addresses, phone numbers, and credit card numbers have all been wiped out from John's official text document, in order to protect the best interests of John's personal acqaintances. We sincerely apologize if we mispelled that fancy word which means "friends" but we are not really interested in your grammar pickiness so please go screw yourself.

Feb 14, 2009

Christians exposed as filthy fascists

Christians are filthy fascists that say people can't have bum sex and gays can't get married .
A student here was exposed in his speech which was filled with the most hateful vile speech ever spoken in the classroom.

lawsuit says that a student at the college, Jonathan Lopez, was giving an in-class presentation last November that involved “reading the dictionary definition of marriage and reciting two Bible verses” when he was interrupted by his professor.

How dare he talk about the definitions of words and read that odious document. It is clear that Christians want to impose their fascist definitions on everyone else. The professor responded appropriately.

The professor, John Matteson, insulted the student and later refused to give him a grade, the suit says, instead writing on an evaluation that Mr. Lopez should “ask God what your grade is.”

Feb 11, 2009