- Interrupt their eulogies whenever they say "We/I'll miss you", telling them that the dead guy isn't listening.
- Interrupting their prayers to tell them that no one is listening.
- And shouting down any idiotic references to "meeting him again". What patent nonsense.
- Telling them that if God existed, he wouldn't have let the guy die and cause so much hurt to them (or let me add to their hurt), and that they should instead convert to atheism, with its glorious future of participation in the heat death. I mean, seriously, doesn't this just give one the warm fuzzies?
- Saying that everyone there was stupid, stupid, STUPID for ignoring these revealed truths.
Jan 4, 2008
Funeral Intolerance
Well, whaddya know, those intolerant Christians kicked me out of the funeral. All I ever did was the following:
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4 comments:
Good grief, Joe, what a bunch of intolerant morons. How dare they stand in the way of our goal to enlighten the human race with the genius of secular humanism. We do these things because we CARE about PEOPLE, don't they know that? Not like that insensitive jerk Jesus who called people names. No way.
Wow, Joe thinks he's clever because he can be ironic. Way to go, Joe!
Listen, buddy: I have never in my entire life met a single atheist who would remotely consider interrupting a funeral to preach against religion. It simply is not the time or the place.
Conversely, I HAVE been to funerals where a zealous sales pitch for Christianity was crassly inserted into the eulogy. And where the family of the deceased were told after the ceremony that they would have to accept Jesus if they ever wanted to see their ded loved one again. Like they were holding her for ransom or something.
So you might wanna re-evaluate which side you're attacking over this particular issue.
Oh, btw, pretending to be an atheist while acting like an @$$hole and a jerk, does not make all atheists @$$holes and jerks. It only makes you look like an @$$hole and a jerk who hates atheists and has just figured out how sarcasm works and wants to wring as much out of it as he can.
Chris, Chris, Chris, I assure you, I was only following in the footsteps of such luminaries as illustrious atheist John W. Loftus and his followers! He recently injected such refreshing truth into a "memorial" thread for a pet:
http://www.theologyweb.com/campus/showpost.php?p=2175804&postcount=96
Also, my atheistic counseling services are based on the works of Holman (yes, I know we have an interesting resemblance of names) and Randolph right here:
http://debunkingchristianity.blogspot.com/2007/12/god-as-accessory-to-child-abduction.html
http://debunkingchristianity.blogspot.com/2007/12/yet-another-unpleasant-truth.html
I hope this will prove my sincerity to you.
In Darwin,
Joe E. Drollman
Next time, try doing this instead:
1. Remind everyone that he really can’t hear them but only at the end of their eulogy when you also remind them that he was really kind of an asshole who they only think they’ll really miss.
2. Yell “Praise Jesus” instead because all the smart ones will get the joke but the dumb ones won’t, which will make it just that much more humorous.
3. Yell “He’s right here” instead because even the Christians know the likelihood of there really being a soul is minimal. After all, most of them don’t have one or else they'd follow the Sermon on the Mount to the letter, which they plainly don’t.
4. Tell them instead that God has a funny idea of humor and killed the guy because he was bored. And since “Heat Death” sounds kind of fatal, just remind them that if they live long enough the heat from an expanding sun will make the love of Jesus feel like a dead light bulb by comparison.
5. And finally, most stupid people already suspect that they couldn’t light a match with their mental powers so telling them that just confuses them even more. Be nice and just write them off as the Jesus-loving sheep for God that they really are. After all, dumb is happy so just let them be.
Using these sensible tips should make your next Christian funeral a blast…
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