You know, the fundamentalist God coulda saved me and my friends here at Debunking Crap a LOT of trouble if He/She'd made the Holy Babble a lot clearer. Take this for example:
Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Oh right! That's clear as mud, it is! I mean, it must be, because my brilliant best friend John Locust had no idea what it meant! Let's deconstruct this a bit at a time and show how.
For one thing, you have to ask why God would even issue a command in archaic English! I mean, he/she/it sounds like one of those goofy cartoon characters Bugs Bunny runs into, like Sir Osis of Liver. If God is gonna sound like that, he/it could at least have entertained me some -- I mean, made it more clear -- by sounding more like Foghorn Leghorn:
I say, I say, boy, now, you shouldn't be messin' with other people's spouses, ya hear? It just ain't right, I say, it just ain't right!
But aside from how stupid it is to sound like that, this command is so murky that it could mean anything! Look:
"Thou" -- who's "thou"? Me? John Locust? Ferile Till? WHO? There's nothing here showing who God is talking to! If God REALLY cared about us understanding his/her Holey word, then he/she/it should have included a list of all people throughout history he didn't want to commit adultery!
"shalt" -- This is REALLY confusing, because for all we know someone mistyped here and the command could have been addressed to the famous movie critic Gene Shalit, telling him to commit adultery! Or not!
"not" -- Aw, crud! What does this mean? It depends on what you mean by the word "not"! It could mean, "go ahead and" for all we know!
"commit" -- UGH! This could be the word "comet" spelled wrong, and then we also have no idea whether it means a shooting star or a bathroom cleanser!
"adultery" -- WHAT! This is a really, really big word for God to use! Why can't he/she/it make it simpler? You know, if God wanted to make it clear, he/she could have said, "fool with someone else's old lady." It's really inconsiderate of God to make me run to a dictionary to look these things up!
I think we've made it VERY clear that God's so called Holey Writ is anything BUT clear! A command like this should include 500 pages of explanation in triplicate to make sure there is NO mistake about what it means!
4 comments:
How true! "Thou shalt not steal"?! What on evolution's green earth is THAT supposed to mean? The Bible is simply a mesh of gobbeldeegook and complicated concepts; The REAL God would make it perfectly easy.
A compelling case indeed, Fred! You sway me nearly.
Wow, Mattchu, that "jb" loser can't even get your name right! How pathetic! He must be one of those defective christmongers or something.
Anyway, you're absolutely right. "Thou shalt not commit adultery"? That could be interpreted in at least fifty-five trillion different ways, and who's gonna say which is right? Christmongers? Pfft, some of them haven't even discovered evolution yet; who says they can even read?
Well he never gave me a wife and family that he gave to so many others, and it is a very good reason why he is real stupid.
Post a Comment