"J. P. Holding" and His Idiot Moron "Impossible Faith" article

That stupid “JP Holding” guy has this article up called “The Impossible Faith”! It really torques me off! How dare he try to prove Christianity is true! I’m so ticked about Christianity that if anyone ever did prove it was true, I’d have to throw myself into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades! So I’m going to refute his stupid article right now so I don’t have to do that!

Let’s start with Factor #1, which he idiotically titles, “Who would buy one crucified?” “Holding” quotes a bunch of stupid, brainwashed Christians who bribed some institution of higher learning for a doctorate (or went to some low quality fundy school, maybe) like Hengel, Malina, Rohrbaugh, Bauer, Wright and de Silva who say that crucifixion was a"status degradation ritual" that was so offensive that no one would ever believe Jesus was really divine unless he was actually resurrected! He also quotes a bunch of even more brainwashed ancient Christians who say the same thing, and a bunch of equally brainwashed pagans who support this idea! HA!

It’s all a bunch of crap, I tell you! Here’s what “Holding” and the rest of his moronic suckers don’t realize. It’s all really, really, simple, see? Like this:

Obviously, there must have been an otherwise unknown, unattested group of people living in that time who thought that it was just awesome to be crucified! I call these people the Cross Ups! In fact, it’s pretty darned clear that one of several things happened, such as that the church burned all the writings of the Cross Ups (who were actually the majority of people in the Roman Empire by the time of Constantine, at least) and/or altered the writings of people like Celsus to make it look like they disapproved of crucifixion; or, the church went out and stole all the ink and parchment from the Cross Ups so they couldn’t write anything down! It’s that simple!

I know this has to be true, because it’s so obvious that miracles like the Resurrection can’t happen! I know this because God never did any miracles for me! God could have stopped me from eating a million chalupas and gaining 568 pounds – but He didn’t! God could have got me a girlfriend in spite of the fact that I dress like a vagrant, use foul language, and haven’t yet met a bar of soap that I liked – but He didn’t! God could have appeared to me in a bank of clouds and gave me a personal message telling me that He exists – but He didn’t, and He still doesn’t! It's clear that God doesn't exist because He won't do these simple things for me -- or else, it is clear that if God does exist then He is obviously incompetent to raise someone from the dead!

So from all of this, it is very, very obvious that this group called the Cross Ups existed and that they were the people who initially accepted Christianity! “Holding” thinks the crucifixion is one of Christianity’s “most incontrovertible proofs” but it’s really proof that all those so-called “scholars” are a bunch of brainwashed, deluded religionists! It is so obvious to anyone with half a brain that Christianity survived only because the Cross Ups must have existed!

This also takes care of a lot of other points “Holding” makes, by the way! He talks about how all these other things about Christianity would have been offensive, and cites all these scholars for support, but I say instead that it is clear that in the first century there existed a whole group of people who:

· thought being crucified was awesome;

· thought being a Jew from a small hick town in a province that was a hotbed of sedition was a good thing;

· thought resurrection was just groovy and happened all the time;

· thought new things were great!

· Respected women and bumpkins more than they did everyone else;

· Valued being poor, stupid, and ignorant!

I mean, it’s obvious that such people must have existed back then, because they do now -- we call them “Christians” today!