Mar 9, 2009

The Affectionate Motherly Love of One's Book

Many of you are probably wondering why I am so obsessed with promoting my book. Well...I'll tell you why, in my own special words: It's because I have the same affectionate love for my book as a mother does with her newborn baby. After all:

1) The book came from me.
2) I conceived it.
3) The book contains my thoughts, put into coherent sentence-structure.
4) The book has been recommended by some of the top Christian apologists out there.
5) The book has also gained affliation with Promotheus Books!
6) The book is mine.
7) Even though the book is mine, you can always go out on Amazon and get yourself a copy!

Let me ask you a question about movies: Ever seen Alien, by director Ridley Scott? If you haven't, boy is it great. Not only does it demonstrate that, in a hypothetical future on a hypothetical spacecraft, that there is no God to save poor Ripley as her fellow crew gets devoured by a giant acid-puking insect, but it's also a great film about motherly love, which I want to attribute to my book (but only because I think it serves as the perfect analogy for this case).

Speaking of which, I have a great YouTube clip of the movie for your viewing pleasures!

Okay, okay, okay. So this is a clip from Spaceballs instead. I prefer to show that clip instead of the chest-bursting scene from Alien because it might entice Christians to go into a blood-hungry phase, and, well, the sight of gore makes me want to vomit. So boo hoo if I was misleading you in your expectations of what the clip would have turned out to be, but of course many people would criticize me on the basis of my lackof honesty. I'm sorry but I can't permit that type of criticism, not on the TheologyWeb discussion boards, and certaintly not here. This site isn't about me, but my arguments and my book. And that's where the Alien analogy comes into play. You see, the alien creature lunging from the internal containment of John Hurt's body is tied with me projecting a little bit of myself onto ink and dead trees. That's why I love my book so much. And ain't no one gonna take that away from me.

Now I guess if you wanted to be a movie-Nazi about the whole ordeal, you could point out that Aliens would have been a better choice, because we do see that there is a "Queen" so to speak that is responsible for the laying of the eggnest, thus furthering the alien cause. Which of course would make sense in relation to me because of the large demand in book sales, in that I further the "atheist" cause. And it's also true that the books are taking hold of some Christians and forcing them into serious reconciliation about the tenents of their faith, much like facegrabbers finding unsuspecting victims with which to impregnate them with the alien sperm, producing more alien offspring. For some people, like that deadbeat JP Holding, that is just too technical to explain and too incomprehensible for the average person to understand. So I keep things simple by sticking with the 'chest-burster analogy', as I fancy it, and it gives something for Christians to drool about.

You can't go wrong when it comes to my book. So, if for the love of godlessness, you should decide to further explore rationalism, I invite you to come participate in the eggnest of rational discussion, and, before making the final plunge, make sure that you endulge in heavy doses of sleeping pills. Deconverting isn't a simple process, and it takes allot of pain.


Anonymous said...

I've been trying to figure out the answer to that real brain teaser left on your sister blog: Is dr William Lane Craig's greatest ambition to debate John Loftus?

It clearly isn't because John Loftus isn't amazing enough seeing as his arguments are the best atheism has to offer. Nor can it be because he hasn't heard of John Lofts seeing as John studies under him. Nor can it be because he has better things to do - what could be better and more important than debating John Loftus? Clearly Dr William Lane craig is too scared that he's loose a debate with John Loftus - I mean, what else could it be?

PersonalFailure said...

Heck, if I wrote a book that got published, that's how I'd start every conversation.

"Good morning, have you read my published book yet?"

You're positively restrained.